Cardboard Box Conspiracy Theory

[ironking]

A couple of very large cardboard boxes arrived at GP this afternoon.

The rumour mill suggests that the new long awaited, very secret, never before seen by human eyes home and away strips have finally arrived.

Initially nobody would sign for the delivery because no member of staff knows what the new kit looks like! A quick phone call to Peter confirmed that the kit was due in cardboard coloured cardboard boxes with fragile written in red on the side.

The other theory is that the boxes contained bolt together players made from 12 mm Ply-board which come in various height sizes and simply bolt together, the goalkeeper version even has arms that swing from side to side.

The switch to wooden players was due in part to the failure of several cardboard cut- outs last season which cost the club it’s League status.

Club player-performance manager A Diddly- Donk broke off from sitting his eleven plus for Gainsborough Grammar to confirm that the cardboard cut outs struggled particularly in wet weather which hampered their performance.

Team manager Keef Ill commented the new arrivals were to create a more robust defence and hopefully prove tougher to get round.

West Stockwith Willie who lives in the next village to Misterton Mick was hoping for a text from the COO, confirming that “he thought it went well” and “that another coffee morning was in the planning”.

Meanwhile at 10:30 am local police commanders received complaints from a woman on a train who reported seeing several grown men aged between 16 and 23 running in a caged area near the football ground wearing nothing but their birthday suits with Simon Elliot written on their chests in pink lipstick.

By the time police arrived at 10:36 am nobody fitting the woman’s description could be seen. Several drivers exiting the vicinity in large expensive cars had no clue as to what the officers were on about.

A club spokesperson confirmed that no comment or press release would ever be given to Bax Mell and added on this or any other issue.

The spokesperson would neither be drawn on the non-kits or cardboard over wooden players issuing an off the record comment that, supporters should just be grateful and turn up regardless unless they have COVID and can be forgiven for not ever doing anything ever again or even leaving the house.

Up yours 99 said nothing as he is now anonymous.

[JohnGaylesNuttingKit]

Surely boxes marked ‘Fragile’ must contain Swann Sr’s ego?

4 users thanked author for this post.

Ferrite, SODIron, Sharp_Shooter24, ironking

[SD0101]

The goalkeeper sounds promising and needs signing up as soon as possible ,possible candidate for player of the season!!!

1 user thanked author for this post.

ironking

[Anonymous]

Johnny Hates Jazz – living in a box… living in a cardboard box.

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ironking, SD0101

[cassidystash]

Own Goal Renee!! Johnny hates Jazz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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ironking

[SD0101]

Still, shattered dreams

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TwoWrights, ironking

[Anonymous]

My memory plays tricks.

The last fellas that lived in a box at GP were Sharpy & Hoops.

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cassidystash, ironking

[ironking]

I have it on good authority from poor mans Damien Lewis lookalike Bax Mell that
apparently the box’s (and it comes from a good sauce within the club) contained various models of Ernest Pawn so that he can be in the Directors Lounge at home games.

One version was an avatar which unfortunately gave Ernest a blue tinge which could not be scrubbed off, also with Ernest being a tad rotund the Avatar tail had a tendency to pop out the back of an old suit from one of Blackpool’s finest tailors Primarni.

Another version was a blow up type which made Ernest look like he had been purchased from a sex shop, it did not help that the club ordered the realistic version with several open orifices that could be used, further problems were noticed in that the arms were in such a position that it made him look like he wished to dance with everyone.

Another trial was in 12 mm ply-board which although very realistic did not look good in a suit.

The chosen version was a cardboard cut-out which unfortunately for Ernest was assembled wrong, the bottom half of Karin’s cardboard cut-out was attached to the top half of Ernest leaving said cut-out not only looking like a #### but talking like one as well.

The person responsible thought to be the ginger girl in the ticket office has now been signed to play up front with our other striker who cant be revealed because he is launching the new kit which should be in the shops for Easter.

[Author]

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